think this blog is more of a pop in and out option

It's been far too long since I last updated. Partly because I have been so busy with other things, and partly because any free time I do manage to scrape is usually spent in bed or doing mundane chores like the house work.
Due to this, I think my blog is going to become a pop in when you have time job...most probably, like now, while Zak is at Derian House Childrens Hospice. I have finally found five minutes to get up to speed.
Well, to be honest, not much has changed with Zak....but that in itself is all part of the problem. By now, at the grand old age of 3 years and 10 months, he should be running around, getting into everything, scraping his knees during a crazy tackle at football in the school playground or climbing trees and walls and anything else vaguely climbable....but Zak is stuck in a crazy time worp. He is still in every way like a new born baby, but a baby that has no other form of communication than crying, no expression, no controlled movement, no smile...still....
His diagnoses remain the same since my last blog...CP, LGS, reg blind, gastrstomy fed, non verbal, mild dystonia, GORD, Sandifer's Syndrome, no head control or controlled movement anywhere else, unsafe swallow..... I don't know if any of that will ever change....I keep expecting to suddenly see before me this very disabled 'looking' child, all twisted ans sickly looking, dribbling and generally unhappy and uncomfortable...but the reality for Zak, and for most 'disabled' kids I now have the pleasure of knowing, is very much different...not the steriotype at all. I often ask the question "if you saw him in a photo, could you tell?"...I don't know what difference the answer would make, I guess I just have a daft need to know if other people see him differently to me. I'd probably be a bit upset if they did...I don't know.
One thing that has developed since my last blog, has been the hospitals admission of liability and causation regarding Zaks blundered delivery. We got 'the call' on December 20th 2010...what a Christmas pressie! ....I wasn't entirely sure how I was supposed to feel at the news. No one writes any rules about these sorts of things do they. I wanted to run around the room with my jumper pulled up over my head like the footballers celebrating a goal. At the same time I wanted to cry, because for the first time it was someone standing by my side saying it's not your fault...you did all you could. So, I did both...then called everyone I knew to tell them the news.
So now, we are trying to find the right home or plot of land to build Zak the perfect house. One that will fit all his equipment in, have room for a carer, and somewhere we can make many a wonderful memory, to keep for always.
Zak now goes to School, Monday to Friday, from 9 to 12. It's a lovely little School, for children with special needs of all flavours....though I think Zak is the most disabled, and youngest....not that it is a contest, but it does make for interesting conversations when he throws something new at the staff and they are stumped by him. Mostly, they are great. They care for him well, and he certainly isn't hating it there...sometimes though I do wish I knew more of what he does there. The school is 10 miles from home, and usually all I see is a couple of lines in his home/school book telling me he has either slept or not....usually he has...and usually for most of the morning. It must be hard work!